Heaven Sent?

My head is spinning. 

I feel like I’m drowning 

how can I stay above water when everything is compounding 

the berating, criticizing, disrespect and more

All those moments make me want to run for the door, 

slam it behind me to be safe, apart.Every moment is breaking my heart. 

I thought life would be different not turn out like this

But I keep taking so many hits 

Trust God more, it’s not that bad

Try to remember all you’ve asked 

Lots of prayers have been answered don’t you remember

If you want victory you must surrender 

It’s all up to you,  not God at all

It must be your fault if you hit a wall   Your lack of belief is what you’re told   If you believed more your life would be gold. 

But that’s not true God isn’t  a genie granting  three wishes. Faith isn’t always easy, often you get caught in the trenches.  

Crying. Moaning.  Fetal position. Snot,  tears, fists clenched. How’d I end up here when it’s all “heaven sent”?

M. Sauls 

7/8/23