Crushing Weight

Feels like the weight of the world  is crushing me down 

I try to smile through it all, 

Big or small, but my smile becomes a frown. 

Some days it’s much too heavy  and I just want to be dead.Not a burden, unable to do anything I’ve said. 

Simple things not even big. Laundry. Vacuuming. Picking up my kids. 

Driving. Walking. Sitting still

The pain and hurt I feel makes me ill. Ill at heart and body, wow Wondering if this is forever my lot now 

Most people leave I’m mostly alone. I text and talk to some on the phone. No one seems to stay. Who can blame them in this endless melee 

Who wants to be around someone sick. Who makes plans and then just skips  

Sickness in heart and mind definitely breaks your body over time. 

By the time you get to that broken place there often seems or is no escape. 

Out on a stretcher or maybe a bag. Laid out on a cold hard slab 

The end of life was it even worth living. Did I make a difference, a legacy of giving?

I think I might have poured out it all. With nothing to fill the endless spouts, the vessel ran dry even when she called 

Called for help in a voice loud and quiet. Calm and angry, in peace and in riot. Begging and pleading. Crying. Needing 

Always left behind, alone and  bleeding. Jesus binds up those inside wounds, it’s the outside things that leave me screaming 

You say if there’s anything I can do. But I say what it is and what I need it’s often the last i hear from you 

M. S. 10/29/23