Grateful??

I want to be grateful, count my blessings. 

Remember every good thing comes with a lesson. 

It doesn’t feel lovely and that’s the truth. It hurts like hell for what it’s worth 

Even when I’m thankful it feels like I’m not. Weighed down with every tight spot. 

Struggling through practicing thankfulness. I think that I am but still feel hopeless 

Counting every success measured by someone else who tells me I’m doing good or else

I don’t receive that I wanna let that go. I don’t want it in my body and my mind or soul

I wish you the best wherever you are. I hope you don’t carry my same kind of scars.

Healing is hard and it takes so much time. Always leaving remnants of the hurt behind.

Moving forward getting sucked into the past oh my God how long will this last?

Dark places I thought had gone pop right back up and feels so in wrong

Endless barrage of grief hope despair always reach in, but you never quite get there

Sept/Oct ‘23

M. Sauls